“What if the way I was hurt is ultimately the way I give my gift to others?”
~ David Whyte
Recently, someone I work with was hurting. Not physically, but emotionally - something difficult had happened and he was struggling.
When I learned about it, I immediately reached out. My text to him was a long one - I had a lot to say. It was one of those, "I'm so sorry to hear this happened - I see you and you're not alone."
I could empathize with this person and what they were dealing with. While our situations were different, there were elements that were the same as something I'd experienced in the past. Because of that feeling of connection, I was able to create a bridge between me and him, built by empathy. If I see and deal with my own pain, I'm better able to see and support you through yours. The power in this cannot be understated at work. If we stay alone and separate in our life experiences, we miss what's really going on for others. We miss parts of their life story that perhaps we can relate to, that perhaps explain something really important about who they are. Without this greater understanding, our colleagues can end up being what psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach calls "the unreal other...two-dimensional cardboard figures, not humans with wants and fears and throbbing hearts."
There are boundaries for sure in what we want to share, how much we want to reveal. Yet when we see a colleague in pain, offering empathy can make a huge difference. I had a call with the recipient of my long text a few days after our text exchange. He expressed his gratitude and said, "I'll always remember what you did."
Curious about the difference between sympathy and empathy? Check out this short video with Dr. Brene Brown. She offers this truth about empathy: "In order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.”
The more we know ourselves, the more we can know others. The more we know others, the better we can come together as a team.