“We do not see the world as it is
rather we see the world as we are.”
~ Anais Nin
I got a bit of a head start on deep self-reflection ahead of the 2020 pandemic. Looking back, it was a bit serendipitous, almost like a message from the universe, “Look, things are about to go sideways. You're gonna need this time to prepare.”
In Fall 2019, I’d enrolled in UCSD’s Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course. I was in a period of my life when I was feeling burned out and fairly disconnected - from my purpose in my work and also from myself. I was tired. I felt pretty beat up. It was time to rest. And face the music that I didn't know what would come next. I didn't have answers, only questions. So I brought my weariness, my fears, and all my questions to this MBSR class.
About fifteen of us got settled on our yoga mats, facing the two teachers seated in the front of the room. I shifted around, already feeling how challenging this was to sit still like this cross-legged in fuzzy socks on my mat at 9 AM on a Tuesday. "I should be at the office", "What am I doing here?" my inner critic said. Then one of the teachers rang a soft bell, smiled warmly as she made eye contact with each one of us. "Welcome, we're so glad you're here. Settle in...come home to yourself."
That phrase hit me so hard: “come home to yourself”. I didn't have words to explain the tears that welled up in my eyes as I heard that. I'd been running hard for so long, seeking things that were out there when here she was making an invitation to stay right here. The purpose of the whole 8 week MBSR course could be summed up with that phrase, to "come home to yourself." It was transformative. Each day, we practiced. Sitting quietly, breathing - really breathing - having patience and kindness with what came up. Learning the basics of our nervous system and the impacts of stress. The teachers dispelled the myth that somehow meditating is about finding your "bliss." No way. Or maybe some days, yes, but many others it's just not. It's about the real deal human experience - full catastrophe living as author and MBSR-creator Jon Kabat-Zinn calls it.
I found my way through that particular chapter of my life using those tools of mindfulness meditation. I started seeing connections for how this work could be applied to my profession of human resources. I visited other companies doing cool things to advance well-being and compassion at work. I participated in a wonderful 2-day experience called Search Inside Yourself. I felt reinvigorated - in my life and in my work. In the stillness, I came home to myself.
Six months after finishing the MBSR program, we learned about COVID-19. The pandemic forced the whole world to “come home” in 2020. The book “And the People Stayed Home” by Kitty O’Meara captures the power of that coming home so beautifully. It’s been a very intense time with lots of very difficult situations. I'm emerging from it all with a fierce clarity and calling to lead in a different way. I still like to run hard in life yet now, I also love knowing the road home.